Stuck with a tired product? Rebrand! Case study: The Iran war.
Sent to newspapers 5/8/2026
Project Freedom’s rocky start
One of the basic tenets of Marketing 101 is that if you have a lemon of a product and you are stuck with it, rebrand and change the name.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to inform you that Operation Epic Fury has concluded. The United States has now launched Project Freedom in the Persian Gulf sometime around Tuesday. Maybe Monday. Anyway, Epic Fury is absolutely over and the White House absolutely does not have to ask Congress for war powers permission. Because Project Freedom is humanitarian aid to rescue 1,600 vessels and 20,000 sailors trapped in the Persian Gulf.
…Ladies and gentlemen, The United States, as of this writing, will now re-launch Project Freedom in the Persian Gulf, after the Saudis and Kuwaitis opened basing and airspace back up to our combat aircraft Thursday after a several frantic phone calls from the White House. Maybe over the weekend, or early in the week.
The intent of Project Freedom is to reopen the Strait of Hormuz by providing U.S. military escorts to ships trapped in the Persian Gulf. Saudi Arabia and Kuwait closed their bases and airspace to U.S. combat operations for 36 hours shortly after Iran struck the only oil export port in the United Arab Emirates with drones and missiles in response to the commencement of Project Freedom Tuesday.
Not since Vietnam have the American people been kept so in the dark about one of its own military operations. The cost of the Iran war is still unclear. Recently obtained satellite footage by The Washington Post shows that the damage sustained by our military infrastructure in the region may be much greater than has been claimed by the Pentagon. The President continually hedges in threats made and then retracted on social media, often contradicting himself.
Jules Hurst III, the acting Pentagon comptroller, told Congress April 29 that the current estimate for the Iran war was $25 billion, which included munitions, operations and maintenance, and replacing equipment. Almost no one believed him. He declined to explain how the estimate was determined and further requests for clarification have been ignored.
It appears the estimate does not include the infrastructure damage inflicted on bases in the region, or the extra maintenance that will be required on the aircraft carrier USS Gerald Ford which has been deployed for nearly 11 months, or even increased fuel prices (20 percent of the world’s aviation fuel is stuck in the Persian Gulf; it takes about 20,000 pounds of fuel to launch an F-35 off of an aircraft carrier).
The Washington Post has analyzed satellite images released by Iran and determined over 200 structures on U.S. military facilities have been hit. The Iranians, using imagery and intelligence provided by Russia in some cases, have targeted troop housing and dining areas with the goal of inflicting mass casualties, as well as missile and interceptor launchers.
More than half the damage reviewed by the Post occurred at the Navy’s 5th Fleet headquarters in Bahrain, and three bases in Kuwait, including the Army’s regional headquarters. One U.S. official suggested some of bases targeted were selected because of their use of High Mobility Artillery Rocket Systems (HIMARS) which can fire ordnance at ranges exceeding 310 miles.
But, never fear! That is all behind us now, and it is smooth sailing through the mined waters of the Strait of Hormuz as Project Freedom re-commences.
And cheer up! Iran and the U.S. are reviewing a one-page peace plan that sort of brings us back to where we started. The basic terms are an end to the fighting and a reopening of the strait. The two countries then have 30 days to figure out what to do with Iran’s uranium stockpile. The U.S. wants it all shipped here, no enrichment for 20 years, and three nuclear facilities to be closed. Iran wants some of it diluted, some shipped to a third country (like Russia!) and no enrichment for 10-15 years, and no mention of its nuclear facilities.
So perhaps we can celebrate a great victory, or something, in time for our 250th birthday. And all for the price of USAID, or two Coast Guards. Or maybe two USAIDs and four Coast Guards depending on whose math you’re using. But the 4th of July should be just swell. I bet some elite military unit, or all of them, will be suckered into another parade.
However those troops in the parade feel about their Commander in Chief, and the war they just finished, I bet you even money they will keep it to themselves. Even when they gas up the SUV before dropping off the kids at daycare.
Merritt Hamilton Allen is a PR executive and former Navy officer. She appeared regularly as a panelist on NM PBS and is a frequent guest on News Radio KKOB. A Republican for 36 years, she became an independent upon reading the 2024 Republican platform. She lives amicably with her Democratic husband north of I-40 where they run one head of dog, and one of cat. She can be reached at merritt@merrittocracy.news.